Day 15: Fear Not

Good Evening Girls. How was everyone's Monday? DAY 15... can you believe we are already halfway through this devotional!?

I read today's devotional this morning at work. I was planning in my mind what I would say about fear. Then, tonight I experienced fear myself. Here's the story...

I was excited to get off work a little early today since our last patient cancelled. I was able to leave the office around 5:30 pm which is about 30 minutes earlier than I normally leave. I was mentally going through my list of things I could accomplish before Justin got home from work at 6:30 pm. I was going to run the vacuum, write this blog, make dinner, feed the dogs, etc. I drove home talking to my mom on the phone like I do most days after work. I pulled into our driveway and I noticed my mom's bedroom light was on. I had come home at lunch and didn't remember seeing any lights on. No cars were in our driveway... it was just me. Fear instantly came over me. Why was there a light on? Was someone in the house? I stayed on the phone with my mom and went into the house. I went into the kitchen and put my things down. We keep the bedroom doors shut while we aren't home to keep the dogs from going into them and making a mess. Her door was shut but I could see light through the space between the door and the frame. I looked at the door for a few seconds. I heard a noise and thought I saw movement from under the door. I got my keys and left the house. I went back outside and got into my car and locked the doors. At this point I was really freaking out. Justin got off work and came home as fast as he could. He got home and checked the house. The touch lamp on one of the nightstands was on. I made him check the entire house to make sure no one was here. The light is very sensitive and sometimes it just comes on by itself, which it has done in the past. Pretty creepy! I was full of fear this evening. I think my pulse has returned to a normal rate now... whew... Maybe you all can get a good laugh from my crazy story?? :-)

Here's what I was originally planning to discuss tonight... I think we can all relate to the subject of fear. I really liked the focus verses today.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you.
Isaiah 41: 10

I found great comfort in this verse. And it is very applicable to my little run in with fear this evening.
Other things I highlighted from today's reading:

" fear can grip the heart, cloud the mind, and steal opportunities to experience audacious, awe-inspiring moments."

"it can be debilitating as it exhausts you  mentally, weakens you emotionally, and hinders you spiritually.

"Faith will radically change the way you view your husband!"

"Faith will lead you to communicate with your husband in amazing ways, intimate ways, where you won't be afraid of letting your husband know the real you."

I am a known worrier. I fear the unknown. I worry constantly and I think I have my whole life. I am not sure why. If I listed all the many things I have been fearful of or worried about it would probably take hours, even days. And Jennifer is right, fear is exhausting! In high school my anxiety reached a level that was unhealthy. I was not able to sleep at night because my mind was reeling with worries and fears. The doctor put me on prescription medicine for anxiety for a while. Prayer and scripture reading is somewhat helpful, but I have yet to overcome my struggle with fear. In my relationship with Justin, I have a constant insecurity or fear of him leaving me, getting bored with me, or following out of love with me. I have expressed these fears to him before. He always looks at me like I have 3 eyeballs and tells me I am so crazy. In talking to Justin about today's devotional  I asked him how fear negatively impacts our marriage. He shared with me some of the fears he has that negatively impacts our relationship that often leads to arguments. He shared that fear about finances and the fact that he doesn't have a "real" job lined up yet, fear about when our next argument is going to occur, and fear about the uncertainty of what the future holds for us in terms of jobs all have a negative impact. And I share a lot of those exact fears. Both of our fears combine lead to arguments, stress, and anxiety. We tend to snap at each other and as Justin would say, "have a short fuse" with each other.

I like how Jennifer refers to the unknown as an adventure. How did you guys interpret today's challenge? How will you go about today's challenge? I am still thinking about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOxBdFN85_8