This devotional was very eye-opening for me. I never thought about how often I "hide" things from both God and my husband. Most of the time it is not intentional, but it happens pretty regularly. I tend to bottle up my emotions when it comes to certain things. By nature, I am a worrier. I have always been that way. However, my husband is not. He does not let things bother him. In fact, his carefree attitude often makes me angry. I feel like I always have to be the one to make the hard decisions and map out our future.
After reading today's devotional, I realized that I am resentful about this. I have never told him about my feelings. I have "hidden" my feelings about this issue because I feel that he may not understand my viewpoint. I have realized that we probably need to discuss this subject, but there is never an easy opening to strike up a conversation on this topic. I know that by continuing to "hide" this from him will only make things worse. My resentfulness will grow and will begin to affect other areas of our marriage. It is probably time to talk it over and let him know how I feel.
In the same way, I have "hidden" things from God as well. I have always had issues with prayer because I feel that God knows what is in my heart regardless of whether I decide to tell him or not. I "hide" things by not openly praying about the things that I struggle with. It is true that he knows all; however, it is also true that by not praying I am neglecting my relationship with God. This is something that I definitely need to work on. I plan to make it a point to pray everyday. I need to work on my communication with both God and my husband. After all, communication is one of the most important aspects of every relationship.
Another issue that I struggle with is justifying my behavior. I make excuses all the time for the things that I do. I tend to blame Ryan for a lot of the problems that we have experienced in our marriage, but the truth is, I have caused a far share of the issues. I blame him for not communicating with me about his feelings and emotions. However, as I said earlier, I have done the exact same thing. I know that in order to grow my relationship with my husband as well as God, I will have to start talking about my feelings and letting them both know what is truly in my heart. It will be difficult, but I believe that it will be well worth it.