Friday, February 21, 2014

Day 26: Hiding From God

This devotional was very eye-opening for me.  I never thought about how often I "hide" things from both God and my husband. Most of the time it is not intentional, but it happens pretty regularly. I tend to bottle up my emotions when it comes to certain things. By nature, I am a worrier. I have always been that way. However, my husband is not. He does not let things bother him. In fact, his carefree attitude often makes me angry.  I feel like I always have to be the one to make the hard decisions and map out our future. 

After reading today's devotional, I realized that I am resentful about this. I have never told him about my feelings.  I have "hidden" my feelings about this issue because I feel that he may not understand my viewpoint. I have realized that we probably need to discuss this subject, but there is never an easy opening to strike up a conversation on this topic.  I know that by continuing to "hide" this from him will only make things worse. My resentfulness will grow and will begin to affect other areas of our marriage.  It is probably time to talk it over and let him know how I feel.

In the same way, I have "hidden" things from God as well.  I have always had issues with prayer because I feel that God knows what is in my heart regardless of whether I decide to tell him or not. I "hide" things by not openly praying about the things that I struggle with. It is true that he knows all; however, it is also true that by not praying I am neglecting my relationship with God. This is something that I definitely need to work on. I plan to make it a point to pray everyday.  I need to work on my communication with both God and my husband. After all, communication is one of the most important aspects of every relationship.

Another issue that I struggle with is justifying my behavior. I make excuses all the time for the things that I do. I tend to blame Ryan for a lot of the problems that we have experienced in our marriage, but the truth is, I have caused a far share of the issues.  I blame him for not communicating with me about his feelings and emotions.  However, as I said earlier, I have done the exact same thing.  I know that in order to grow my relationship with my husband as well as God, I will have to start talking about my feelings and letting them both know what is truly in my heart. It will be difficult, but I believe that it will be well worth it.


  1. Michelle, Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us today. I am really glad you posted first today and that you opened up so much.

    Hiding from God is obviously something we do and have done since the fall-Adam and Eve. I think hiding from God is something of the flesh. I like Michelle am guilty of justifying my actions. I carry a lot of shame in the things I have done and still do and I try to somehow justify those things.

    When Justin and I argue, there are times that things get volatile and I just explode with anger. He tries to stifle me by trying to hug me or hold me in the middle of a heated argument which sometimes leads to me pushing him, hitting him, etc. I justify this by saying he shouldn't try to stifle me when I am angry. But as Jennifer writes, " You must come out of hiding, realize you are accountable for your actions, and you must be willing to initiate the process of reconciliation." I try to justify my sin of anger and rage and taking it out on my husband by blaming him for my actions. I carry a lot of guilt and shame when our arguments get so heated and I let my anger take over. We have been praying through this, I have been praying, and we are of course going to counseling weekly.

  2. Yesterday's topic on Hiding from God hit home for me too. (Thank you for sharing your stories, ladies. It only solidifies that we are not alone in our struggles with hiding things from God and/or our husbands.) I feel that as a couple Torey and I hid from God during our dark times after Wyatt was born. Although we were thankful that he was healthy we still struggled with our faith and with getting along. During that time we went months without thinking about or going to church and frankly, prayer was non-existent for me. It wasn't until I suggested that we have Wyatt baptized (around 6 months old) that those days slowly started to turn around for us. We went to the church with the same pastor that married us and it felt like home. The next time we went was a few months later and this year I made it a New Year's Resolution to go to church at least once per month regularly. (It is often very tough to make it to church as a family with Torey's work travel schedule - so once per month is perfect for us.)

    Tomorrow morning we are going to church. I'm looking forward to it - just as I did last month. This time will be so much more meaningful since beginning this devotional. I think tomorrow I will repent to God for hiding from Him during our dark days last year and I will reconcile to Him and ask Him to transform my heart as well as Torey's and invite Him to live within us.


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